Saturday, May 30, 2009

Why Did You Come Back...??

It was June…the month monsoon reaches d coastal regions of India n cools the temperature. School going kids hate this month coz its d end of their happy days ”Holiday’s” n engineering students love it coz. its their free time .. They usually stay away 4m book and enjoy with their family n friends. Some enjoy these days to the fullest n some r worried about their results. I “The Smiling Beauty”(my friends call me with that name coz I always smile J) just gave my exams…n I am enjoying my holidays. I am a complete orkut freak…love orkutting because…1 yr back I met very nice people through orkut…n I am really grateful to orkut. In these holidays…I wanna make new friends…so entered a community…started talking 2 people. Everyone was very sweet. All the people who I met were really very good…so very soon I could make many friends n was happy about that.:-)

It was a new day , the cool breeze brought new hope n life with it. And that day u came into 2 my life. I don’t remember how I met u…but I have never regretted about that till now. We talked 2 each other everyday ..but for very few minutes coz our timings never matched ..but still our friendship grew day by day very fast. Later we have officially became friends…I tried to manage my timings so that I could talk 2 u.

But one day suddenly…I din c u…u din utter a single word n stopped coming online. I was worried yet was confident that you will be back soon. In d mean time my classes began .I’m back 2 my college…and now I knew that we can hardly meet.

One day when I was in the college I felt that I will receive a message from you. So soon after my classes I was very anxious 2 return home .When I opened orkut. I was astonished, I could see your scrap .I was very happy , there were no limits for my happiness .You told me that you are out of station where there is no net facility and you said you are missing me .Even I was missing you but din’t tell u.

Many days passed and atlast you are back . I was so happy we chatted everyday for long hours. Don’t no hw time has passed .Finally it was August, the month in which we both were born with an year difference. I never knew when was your b’day until u told me. I asked you about the gift you wanted from me .You asked me to be the 1st one to wish u on your b’day. That ws really impossible for me coz ..I cant cm online at that time n I don’t have a mobile so that I can call you .I told u my problem ..but you still insisted me to do so. I don’t know what to do.

That day I was awake till 12 so that I can wish you .I normally sleep at 10 pm but 4 u I was awake till 12.The clock strike 12…I went out in 2 our balcony looked at d moon. I knew even you can see the moon so I asked d moon god 2 shower his blessings on you and wish Happy Birthday on my behalf and even asked the Air to wish you so that the 1st breathe you take at 12 carries my wishes 2 u.:-)

The weather was changing. Soon it was winter. I finished my 1st semester and so did you. You left to your hometown leaving me alone though u know that I cant live without talking to you. But I never stopped you because I know your family is waiting for you they want u more than meJ.I was counting the days .The days were too long ..I visited your profile everyday and was looking at the archive of our chats. Everything has stopped functioning. It was just silence prevailing every where.

Finally the day has come you are back. You came online. I was on the cloud 9.

I was very happy that I am meeting you after a long time and from now onwards v can again talk to each other like before and nothing can stop us. But never expected that this period of time also brought a gap in our relation .You were never the same. I thought you were too busy with your studies. So I never asked you why you are not talking 2 me like you used to .

Days passed I was sending you messages but I never got any reply from you. I know you were there but don’t know what you were doing and never questioned about it. I was still thinking that you are busy with your studies. Days passed you never replied me. I slowly stopped sending you message’s, I stopped visiting your profile.

Soon the temp started to rise and the weather changed to summer. Even I have changed. I started to live without you. I never looked at the archives as I used before. I have stopped thinking about you. Yet whenever I opened my profile my eyes always searched for your scrap though I know I can never see it. This time I wanted you to take the 1st step. I wanted you to come and talk to me. I waited waited and waited

May be it was too late. Your footprints have slowly started disappearing from my life. I have completely stopped thinking about you and concentrated more on my studies and my college activities rather than being OL. I have kept myself busy in something or the other. My 2nd semester ended and I’m back 2 orkut . I jus opened it n replied 2 d previous scraps n never chatted with people. I have completely shut d doors 4 new people. I was afraid to put my hand forward for any relation. I was happy. I was smiling like before.

But one day when I was online you came back. You messaged me. I don’t wanna talk to you but still replied you. I have changed. I just replied to you and never took the conversation forward and never put any kind of question to you about all these months.

I don’t know whether you have noticed or not but I have not smiled atleast once when I was conversing with you.

The only thing which ran on my mind was.. Why did you come back…why….when everything is done…when I’m trying to be happy and trying to forget everything I have faced .You never cared about me then why did you come back only now when nothing is left. I didn’t ask you any question about all these months. Was expecting you to tell me but No you didn’t tell me anything. I was silent with a single question in my head and tears in my eyes. For you everything was the same but for me everything has changed . I could not stop my tears and the only thing running on my mind was

Why Did You Come Back? Throwing me back in 2 d dark…where noone can help me to come out except myself.

Why…..Why did u cm back…??

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Message...!!

Yesterday night I received a msg. A message from an unknown guy. Looking at the kind of message that the person has sent I thought its my friend Karuna who has sent me that message from her friends cell. But I was wrong…!! When I asked who’s dis..?? That person didn’t hesitate to tell his name…his name is “Suman”. When I replied that I don’t know anyone named Suman and was enquiring about my exams. He said he knows me coz I’m popular in my college. By listening the word “Popular”.. I was shocked .The 1st thing which strike my mind is our college Cultural Fest. I worked really very hard for our fest.. and as I was in the Reception & Registration dept…I had to interact with many people. Mainly students from our college and even from other colleges who came to our college to participate in various events.

I wanted to know whether he got my no. by fluke or he really knows me. So I asked him about the college where he studies and where I study and most importantly my name. He said he is not from my college and told my 1st name. I told him that he is wrong…its not my name. He sounded very confident that I’m lying though I wasn’t coz he just told my 1st name. Later he replied what ever be the name I know I’m talking to the right person. I wanted to know how he got my number so when I enquired him about that he said he got it because he was interested to know about me. I asked him many times yet didn’t get the correct answer.

I tried to be very rude…something which I can never be. Ofcourse I didn’t use any abusive words because I don’t no any and I don’t like people who abuses others…but still was really very rude. He was very patient and replied me with a smiling face. This was all happening at and around 10:30 at night. He wanted to build a new relation with me called “Friendship” but I don’t wanna do that coz…cozz…I don’t….but jus No .

I couldn’t sleep at night…coz this is d 2nd time something like this is happening to me.

The 1st time that guy was not revealing his name and I never replied him . But this guy has told me his name. At some point of time I felt that may be both are one and the same , but didn’t think more than that. I was just rolling on my bed I was very afraid I wanted to cry…!! But didn’t do anything of such sort . I don’t know when I slipped in to the sleep. Suddenly in the morning around 6 am I got up ..was still lying on d bed…looking at my cell…without any clue about what to do next. Messaged my friend about all this stuff ,I know she wont reply me but I knew she will certainly call me once to scold me coz I’m thinking a lot about a stranger and hurting my self.

Around 7 am I messaged that guy…saying

“Dude listen .. seriously I don’t wanna talk to you n I am not interested to make any new friends ..You said this is the start ..but I say this is the End.. so forget it..

Lastly wanna ask u one thing…who gave you my no. ? Don’t tell that by interest and all… I know that is all a thrash…and you are lying. So tell me the truth that is all I expect it from you. Thanku”

I messaged him early in the morning (we have just finished our exams so getting up at 7 is very early for an engineering student). I wasn’t expecting a reply immediately but after almost ½ an hr I got a reply from ..”Ehh :X” that is the name with which I have saved his name…saying…

“This is the last message from my cell to you…after this message I will never message you. I’m going to delete you from my cell .I expected one and you did another. Thanks for all. Good bye have a nice days n good mornings :-)

By seeing this message ..I was sure that I have hurt him…I replied him that I don’t wanna hurt anyone. but cant explain you and I wanted to know the name of the person who gave him my no. so asked him about that.

I waited for a long time…I didn’t get any reply…I messaged him again saying ..”I guess you don’t wanna reply me. Anyway , chalo bbyee take care , Have a wonderful life ahead and keep smiling always J.

I din get any reply from him. May be this was the end for him but it became a beginning for me. I thought I hurted him I know I did, was very rude. He came to me with a ray of hope but I have taken away the light. Now I feel like messaging him to ask sorry for been so rude to him and wanted to tell my full name. But why should I again message him when everything ended.

I got an end to all this mess, he will nomore message me. This is what I exactly wanted, then why am I thinking about him again…thinking about all those things a tear dropped out of my eyes.

I don’t know why I’m crying I don’t know anything. but still wanna message him again.

Did I commit any mistake? I don’t have any answer.

No answer…….may be I’m looking very happy from out side but deep inside me these questions r killing me…!!

Jus killing me…